you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
