My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
