All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I want to fling myself into the sun
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
