i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
