I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
