SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
