Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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