you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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