can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
