I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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