i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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