guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize