the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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