Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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