I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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