Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize