and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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