Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
