he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
