people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
