I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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