She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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