U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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