Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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