I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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