what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
