Sry I called you an 8
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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