if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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