there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
