I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
