you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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