Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
