If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
