Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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