On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
