Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
