i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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