i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
