yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
