I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
