If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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