I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize