just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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