We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
