YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
