is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
