Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I bet he comes in French.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
