They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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