i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize