if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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