After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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