Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
