Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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