My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
