Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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