its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
