if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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