Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
