I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
