Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
