Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
