It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
