How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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