You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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