Texts From Last Night

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  (219): View more from Indiana

  So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.

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  (219): So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on. http://tfl.nu/rrpe
  Replies (9) Good night (4240) Bad night (782)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?

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  (419): How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/9rcf
  Replies (20) Good night (1230) Bad night (3802)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall

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  (302): My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall http://tfl.nu/j51z
  Replies (13) Good night (1307) Bad night (756)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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  (319): I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/0zto
  Replies (16) Good night (1099) Bad night (2438)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  This is the weirdest negotiation ever.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.

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  (678): This is the weirdest negotiation ever. (814): This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue. http://tfl.nu/rt97
  Replies (1) Good night (2107) Bad night (674)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.

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  (678): Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min. http://tfl.nu/nnq2
  Replies (18) Good night (721) Bad night (1917)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.

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  (503): Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy". (1-503): That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby. http://tfl.nu/9w8t
  Replies (4) Good night (1103) Bad night (521)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,

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  (609): i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina, http://tfl.nu/dlk2
  Replies (15) Good night (1220) Bad night (529)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.

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  (404): He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie. http://tfl.nu/bwlf
  Replies (3) Good night (510) Bad night (931)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.

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  (614): She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win. http://tfl.nu/wvwz
  Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (334)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?

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  (859): Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut? http://tfl.nu/nfyo
  Replies (13) Good night (791) Bad night (459)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.

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  (520): You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha. http://tfl.nu/0ooa
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (344)
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  (518): View more from New York

  THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason

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  (518): THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason http://tfl.nu/3zx2
  Replies (4) Good night (497) Bad night (778)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH

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  (561): I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH http://tfl.nu/vnp7
  Replies (1) Good night (663) Bad night (303)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night

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  (973): you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night http://tfl.nu/cnct
  Replies (0) Good night (476) Bad night (377)

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