Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
