So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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