I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
