it was like eating out sand paper
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"