Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.