Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"