I hate your face
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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