it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?