Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday