wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
