Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
