Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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