how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she peed on how many people?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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