Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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