Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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