he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
