alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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