Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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