his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
