Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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