If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
